Yes the Rover 200. Beloved of those flat-capped, bespectacled octagenarians who don't so much drive as tootle. Always overpriced, eventually outdated, and now thankfully dead - along with, more sadly, its parent company. But is the jelly-mould 200 and latter-day 25 an automotive dinosaur that should be buried in soft peat for a millenia before finally being uncovered by bearded motoring paleontologists, or is it actually quite handy?"Why," I don't hear you cry, "would anyone actually think the Rover 200 serves a useful purpose, though?". Ah, dear reader, bear with me.
Think back to the days of the Austin Princess, the Morris Minor and the Volvo 340.
Irritating lumps of unreconstructed driving turdulence as they were, they were moving warnings of their owners' incompetence. Anyone stupid enough to pay real money for a heap of shite so bereft of practical, aesthetic or dynamic interest must surely be a blubbering simpleton. A person so idiotic they don't understand even the most basic tenets of road sense. The kind of people who drive at 20 in a 50 zone, who turn right at junctions without indicating or looking. The sort of person who buys a car to get them from A to B without caring how, why or when they'll get there. Yes, in short, whenever you see a 200 you know it'll be being driven by an old git. You can therefore plan ahead.
See a 200 waiting at a crossroads and you just know the Mr Magoo-lookalike behind the wheel is likely to stall in the middle of the junction while the lights are against him. Follow behind one on a narrow country lane and you can be fairly certain that at some stage it'll roll, without signalling, to an impromptu halt while the broken-down old fogey behind the wheel retrieves a stray Werther's Original from the driver's footwell.
Yes, the Rover 200 may be an unloveable hunk of poorly-made shite with awful fake wood trim and rouched faux-leather door pockets, but at least you always know to stay well clear of the lumbago-wracked, bliterhing moron driving it.
Long live the Rover 200 then, maybe they could fit them with audible alarms so people know to stay well clear - a bit like lepers.
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